Somewhere For My Thoughts

I haven't written on here since last year - I kinda felt like I was wasting my time, like why am I doing this? What good does it do? Shouldn't I be cooking or cleaning while Caitlyn is napping. Oh the guilty feelings that pervade a SAHM's mind. Some days I feel so out of control, like, what am I doing? Having a child forever changes everything. I feel like I'm in a constant state of anxiety, which of course doesn't help my stomach issues, but I can't ever seem to relax. EVEN when she is sleeping because then I'm always thinking, "Will she wake up soon, what that her? I should hurry up and clean or cook because I won't be able to when she's awake." Is this normal? Do other moms feel this way? I often feel like I'm on a roller coaster: I'll go for a few weeks with everything going great, feeling great, just enjoying life and then BAM. It all comes to a halt and I don't feel like doing a dang thing. I feel like sitting around watching TV or movies to escape I guess. Escape what though? I love my life. I know it's normal to have ups and downs, but some days I don't know how I do it. How do moms with more than one child do it? You take for granted the work our mothers did in raising us. I don't know, it's just so overwhelming at times and right now I'm just in a "mood." I'm really looking forward to my upcoming bible study - I am so looking forward to growing in my relationship with God. I constantly pray for peace of mind. It's the one thing I feel like I am missing - how do you attain peace of mind?? I want to learn...

I haven't posted on here in a while so I figured it was time. Caitlyn is napping so here I am. BTW, I have been feeling like crapola lately. Sometimes I wish I could have an intestinal transplant. My tummy has been so unhappy lately that I'm at a complete loss. I feel like throwing in the towel at times, yet I shall move forwards. I found a doctor that practices integrative medicine that actually takes insurance so I'm going to see her soon. I'm hoping for something - anything, new that I haven't already tried. I have actually been researching on probiotics (the ones I've tried have done NOTHING) and there seems to be a new, very promising one out of Canada called Tu Zen. You can buy it here in the US as Jarrow's formula L299. I did buy it and am planning on giving it a whirl. I did have some food sensitivity allergy testing done, blood work, and I am sensitive to pretty much EVERYTHING. Nice eh? I so often wonder what the heck happened to me and why my tummy suddenly became aggravated by everything. I feel like I will never find the true answer. All I want to do is HEAL my tummy and I'm hoping this doctor can help me do that. It's sad that most of my time these days is consumed with my thoughts on how to "fix" my tummy. When your tummy hurts, it's hard to remain positive. This too shall pass. I will forever remain optimistic.

Saying Goodbye

Wow, so Jimmy and my Dad just left for the long drive and Mom, Cait and I are flying up Saturday morning! I must say, I am really excited to see where we're living! I've seen pictures online but it will be fun to make a place home...at least for 9 months, then we'll move to Richmond. Ugh, hate moving. It is supposed to be beautiful up there and there is so much to do. Jimmy insists on going to a different museum every Sunday. Lots to see for little Cait. It will definitely be different for me not having my parents around to hang out with. Mostly my Mom, since I see her like every other day, if not every day. She really is my best friend. Other than Jimmy of course. That comfort won't be there, but in a way it will be like being in Gainesville again, which I loved. I missed my family, but yet thrived away from them...if that makes sense. I was forced to depend on only myself and I did pretty well at it. Now, Jimmy and I will have the real test of solely depending on one another for literally everything. I think we will only grow closer. More later...

The Beginning...

So I finally decided to "give in" and start my own blog since so many of my amazing mommy friends have them. I have really enjoyed reading their thoughts, and while I have so many of own opinions and ideas while reading them I figure I should have my own. So here I go...

*sigh* Yes. If you haven't heard yet, we are moving to Springfield, VA for 9 months and then moving to Richmond for 4-5 years. That's as much as we know now. Which is probably enough, however, I am one to want to know exactly what's going on, where I'll be, so I can plan, plan, plan. Who knows what the future holds after that.

I suppose the only time I will be able to jot down these thoughts is when Cait naps, which I'm never sure how long that will be these days. I plan for this to be a stream of consciousness style of writing so forgive me if I jump around. That's how my mind works. Plus, this will be somewhat therapeutic for me as well. I often have too many thoughts running through my mind so at least I can get some of it down.

I suppose it would be appropriate to write about being a first time mom eh? I always knew it would be hard, I mean really hard, and yet I still can't say I was prepared for it to be this hard. I've always been one to be involved in everything, out doing things with different people constantly, and yet I find most of my days sitting around watching old episodes of LOST. I know, kinda sad eh? I've kinda gotten in a slump or pattern if you will of this, simply because well, it's easier with Caitlyn. While it may not seem that difficult, the thought of loading her up, packing a million things, making sure Sarge is taken care of, not to mention myself, up and down the stairs a few times just to get everything in the car...it's exhausting. It's easier to just eat, nap, read, and play...in the house. Hopefully I will get out of this slump soon, because I know it's not good for me or Caitlyn...it's like I'm anxiously waiting for us to move...