Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Somewhere For My Thoughts

I haven't written on here since last year - I kinda felt like I was wasting my time, like why am I doing this? What good does it do? Shouldn't I be cooking or cleaning while Caitlyn is napping. Oh the guilty feelings that pervade a SAHM's mind. Some days I feel so out of control, like, what am I doing? Having a child forever changes everything. I feel like I'm in a constant state of anxiety, which of course doesn't help my stomach issues, but I can't ever seem to relax. EVEN when she is sleeping because then I'm always thinking, "Will she wake up soon, what that her? I should hurry up and clean or cook because I won't be able to when she's awake." Is this normal? Do other moms feel this way? I often feel like I'm on a roller coaster: I'll go for a few weeks with everything going great, feeling great, just enjoying life and then BAM. It all comes to a halt and I don't feel like doing a dang thing. I feel like sitting around watching TV or movies to escape I guess. Escape what though? I love my life. I know it's normal to have ups and downs, but some days I don't know how I do it. How do moms with more than one child do it? You take for granted the work our mothers did in raising us. I don't know, it's just so overwhelming at times and right now I'm just in a "mood." I'm really looking forward to my upcoming bible study - I am so looking forward to growing in my relationship with God. I constantly pray for peace of mind. It's the one thing I feel like I am missing - how do you attain peace of mind?? I want to learn...

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